Suppose that you, as a straight male, have a normal, happy straight life, (whether single or married), and all the people surrounding you—friends and family are straight. One day a sudden idea, flashes across your mind—you would like to try sucking a big, hard cock!

This new idea is difficult for you to explain, even to yourself. Now you begin fantasizing, regularly, about yourself having sex with someone who is NOT your typical female sexual partner. Finally, after a long intrigue, one day, accidentally, an opportunity arrives in your life to experience having this alternative sexual experience. What now…???

Confusion clouds your mind: you don’t know how that type of sexual liaison and act occurs, while you strongly insist (to yourself) that you’re still a straight man who loves pussy.

Next, comes embarrassment: as you realize that you may be the only straight man in your straight society who fantasizes about this.

Pain: while meeting with your straight friends, they sometimes make a reference to the unusual sexual conduct which corresponds to what you have recently been fantasizing about or experienced.

To hide your secret, you even sometimes have to pretend laughing and reproving what is your secret sexual fantasy/act.

Fear: your religion rules that homosexuality is a sin. Although, they don’t intend to condemn you, they do.

Finally, you are depressed—your desire for traditional straight, heterosexual sex (between a man and a woman) gets less every day, while the attraction to the alternative sexual act has been increasing constantly every day, even though you are trying to resist it. You are worried that your sexual identity is changing too drastically, which makes you think that you may be a closet gay/homosexual.

Have you ever thought that the straight men you know or meet every day may not always have sex only with women? Have you ever thought that maintaining your straight gender isn’t a perpetual instinct? And have you ever thought that straight genders don’t have border lines? It’s hard to perceive that ‘straight men that have sexual experiences with other men’ are not considered gay’ when society has set an almost universal rule that ‘a man who has sex with another man is gay’.

The gender of your sexual partner(s) is used as the most important factor in defining your gender (a man who has sex with a woman is considered straight, but having sex with another man is considered gay). People define your gender ONLY by looking at who you have sex with.

However, man’s desire(s) to have sex with ‘whoever’ are created naturally—they are profoundly more complicated than just society’s simple rules of sexual conduct between a man and a woman (so called straight men). Similar to your daily diet of typical and traditional American food, (pizza/sandwiches/hot dogs & hamburgers), every once in a while, with no explanation, you have an urge to try other types of ethnic foods. Eating traditional American foods—whether you like them or not doesn’t matter, you are accustomed and familiar with their taste. While the desire to try other types of food can come from your curiosity to try a new taste or to change your mood every once in a while and/or to search for what actually you really like rather than gorging yourself only on accustomed tastes—just because it is “standard/normal” within your circle of friends & family.

Sex is a difficult part of life to understand, especially a straight man’s sex life. In general society understands that ‘a gay man only has sex with other men’—that is one gay men’s sex pattern, no outside sexual activity with other genders is hidden. However, in general society understands that ‘a straight man only has sex with women” is just the ‘open’ part of a straight man’s sexual pattern, while many other parts (sex with other genders) are ‘secret’.

Have you, as a straight man, ever thought that your wife is the one person who knows the least about your sexual preferences? Sex sometimes is a difficult thing to explain to the person you love most. Imagine—your wife finds out one day that you had sex with a man, this leads her to empirically believe in her own opinion that you must be a homosexual. What reasons could you cite to explain to your wife that sex is more complicated than heterosexual vs. homosexual? Is it really as simple as understanding that ‘Americans who eat other types of food are still Americans’? Or would it be better off to keep it a secret, because you still have no defense to explain your actions?

Worse yet, your wife immediately files for a divorce. Meanwhile, your friends, family, colleagues, no one believes you. Even the judge decides that you are a homosexual. Is this fair?—if your wife had sex with another woman, it seems a lot easier for the husband to understand and accept than when a husband has sex with another man for his wife to understand and accept. And these are the principal reasons straight men must hide their sexual secrets.

Sex can be an important factor in defining people’s way of life. It defines your sexual preferences because it is commonly understood that ‘a man who has sex with a woman is straight’. You have straight friends, hang out with them and absorb their ideas and lifestyle…while gay men have gay friends, go to gay nightclubs, watch gay movies and absorb other different ideas.

Have you, as a straight man, ever contemplated (confusingly) after having a discreet sexual experience that having sex with a trans-gendered woman would be considered being gay?

Are you embarrassed and put into a tongue-tied situation—where you have no way to ask someone else for an answer? Would you talk to your barber or bartender about your sexual experience with a tans-gender?

You know (while other people don’t) what the truth is—you are first attracted to a trans-gender’s femininity then the femininity spontaneously lures you to touch inside her masculinity, later after repeating these sexual escapades many times, you begin to become familiar with these new sexual experiences—until finally, you love them. The excitement/thrill of having sex with trans-women and a “walk on the wild side”, makes you view the distance between genders a lot closer than you once realized—really, it is easier than you thought to cross the heterosexual/homosexual gender line. If straight and gay men are positioned on the left and right, trans-women can be an easy transition to help straight men straddle the typically defined sexual orientation lines. And discreetly, many straight men already straddle this line by having sex with trans-genders.

Changing from your typical habit of sex with female partners to other genders isn’t difficult, but changing your lifestyle seems impossible. It has taken you a lifetime to build up your straight friends and family: wife and kids. Your sex life and lifestyle used to be on the same track; now they have begun to run apart. You used to be a normal, happy straight man, now you find confusion and depression inside your heart; you can’t find the answer(s) to what has happened with your new sex life—nothing is like the day before.

If ‘who you have sex with’ is used to determine your gender and creating your lifestyle, the desire for changing your sexual partners (from women to transgender and/or to men) would make you worry that your new lifestyle will also be completely opposite your old lifestyle. Yet you will be even more worried if this happens to you at an older age. It’s always difficult to admit new sexual preferences in your life, when this gender-changing issue is not a joyful experience that you can share with family & friends, like a promotion or moving into a luxurious, new house.

‘The psychological & social barriers behind the sexual secrets of straight men’ was written to help men understand that ‘whom a straight man has sex with’ doesn’t have to determine or blemish his straight gender—from my experience ‘straight men who have occasional sex with men and/or trans-genders’ should not be considered gay. In reality, there are many straight men who have sex discreetly with trans-genders and/or with other men, even perhaps more frequently than many gay men do. However, if this is true, what factor(s) are used to determine the straight male’s true gender?

© 2011, by ½ Lady Lisa. All Rights Reserved.